Lindsay and Madison discuss the hidden meanings of Medieval beasts, as well as how to draw via telephone, that it’s probably best not to sleep with creatures that can eat you, and how to pass for Jesus as three lion cubs in a trench coat.

Lindsay and Madison discuss Orificial Surgery, as well as the healing power of a loose sphincter, that Hippocrates got nothin’ on Edwin Pratt, and how genital mutilation can cure insanity and prevent furious masturbation (who knew?).

Lindsay and Madison discuss how coffee became illegal in the Ottoman Empire and the terrifying origins of Struwwelpeter, as well as why you should avoid swol bros with broadswords, that there are easier ways to teach children morales without traumatizing them for life, and that live shows can be kinda fun.

Lindsay and Madison discuss Medieval book curses, as well as how Liam Neeson could have learned a thing or two from vengeful monks, that book curses would be a hilarious premise for Assassin’s Creed, and how sometimes all you have to say is “don’t.”

Lindsay and Madison discuss Stede Bonnet, the Gentleman Pirate, as well as how you should never give up on your dreams (unless it’s a midlife crisis), that you should never trust a pirate who will shoot his first mate, and how silly it would be to be a pirate starfish.

Lindsay and Madison discuss Railway Madness, as well as how men seemed to lose their minds while riding trains in Victorian England, that locking people into their train car isn’t a great idea, and how important it is to install safety measures right away instead of decades later.

Lindsay and Madison discuss the Hatpin Panic, as well as why women should be allowed to protect themselves, that seeing an unattended woman doesn’t mean she wants/needs your attention, and how fragile masculinity shits the bed (and keeps doing it).

Lindsay and Madison discuss the feud known as The Bone Wars, as well as why blowing up scientific discoveries isn’t cool, that pettiness can be a strong motivator, and how everyone loves dinosaurs (even if they have a funny way of showing it).

Lindsay and Madison discuss The Miracle of 1511, as well as how snowmen became a form of protest, that scat has apparently always been funny, and how random the progression of snowmen really was.

Lindsay and Madison discuss the practice of Medieval Tax Evasion, as well as why peeing in Ancient Rome was costly, that you can tax time, and how soap wasn’t popular because you couldn’t buy little Etsy batches.

Lindsay and Madison discuss The Great Stink of 1858, as well as why dumping literal shit in the river is never a good idea, that cholera is no joke, and how costly proper sanitation can be, even in the 19th Century.

Lindsay and Madison discuss The 13 Club, as well as why silly social clubs can actually be pretty cool, that you can make positive changes if you know the right people, and how superstitions aren’t always what they first appear.

Lindsay and Madison discuss the unusual practice of wife-selling, as well as why you should never treat women like livestock, that beer is an odd form of currency, and how having the tables turned on you can be even more hilarious than you might think.

Lindsay and Madison discuss the history of going Dutch, question why you would ever call someone a “butterbox,” explore how Pennsylvania Dutch broke the stigma, and go on a long tangent about their dogs. 

Lindsay and Madison discuss the erotic art of ancient Rome, as well as the prolific sex trade in Pompeii, the prudish kings of the 16th and 17th Centuries, and the magical protective properties of an old-fashioned penis amulet.